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The pain is part of the process

Embrace the pain and use it to propel you forward. When the going gets tough, that’s when you decide, “am I mediocre or exceptional”. Don’t think, just DO.

Now I know that all my life, the painful moments were of value.  At the time, it was hard to acknowledge and appreciate.   When you realize this, it allows you to have a different attitude to painful moments.   Now, let’s not diminish the pain of losing a loved one due to death or the pain of dealing with a terminal illness.  Those are moments of immeasurable pain.  However, even those pains, are moments that can provide lessons, which can benefit others.  However, I am talking about the pain of losing a job, missing a promotion, hurting from tearing of a muscle while pushing yourself physically, the pain of losing a lover in a break-up, etc.

I lost my job during the holidays, not knowing if I were going to make rent, pay utility bills, or even have enough for grocery.  I know what it is like to have to visit a pawn shop to part with a cherished jewelry, be afraid of the knock on the door, anticipating eviction or bill collectors.  It is because of this experience, I have empathy for those that are hard working that can have pitfalls in life.  I also know that those moments are painful but temporary, providing that you have the courage to push through, grind on, until you find your way.  Looking back, I remember how I was consumed with the gravity of failure at that time.   I remembered though, that I did not hesitate to act immediately, to instantly work on my resume, and send the applications out.  I did what I had to do, I went back to delivering pizza, something I did while going to college.   I did not become consume with my failure.  I even started a business, scraping some bits of money from relatives.  I was still optimistic in the face of failure.  My business failed, as I was pushed out of the market from my previous boss, who had the means to control my supply.   After failing at the business, I kept going, kept applying, as I delivered pizza at night.   Eventually I landed an entry level job at Coca Cola and worked my way up quickly.  As I look back, my real failure was that I lost my hunger for fun.  You see it is balance that is the key to sustainable happiness.

I know now that experiencing the bad things that happened to me in life, has made me a better person, someone who can help those that are feeling hopeless, lost, lonely, discouraged and completely depressed.  Surviving a fatal car accident, losing my voice, being ridiculed, being bitter, angry with the cards life suddenly dealt me.

I even know what it is like to want to take your own life.

Today, I look back with gratitude, that I had those cards dealt to me.  It was only from experiencing real pain that I matured my awareness of people’s struggles, that I can really get into their shoes to be able to understand the challenges that keep them from moving forward effectively.  Now the pains that I encounter, excite me in the education that it offers me.  With every triumph, I gain lessons that I am eager to share, to let others know that they are not alone, I understand, I can help.   I have also acquired the kind of confidence that assures me that I can survive other challenges.

I am now glad for the pain.  Now I can help others through their pain.

Remember:  You are not alone anymore.

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Fear is not key, you are. Fear is the lock. 

Fear is not key, you are. Fear is the lock.

 Fear paralyzes, finds excuses, easier paths, lowers standards, and is natural.  But you are the key to unlocking the potential in you.

 

Fear is natural.  It is your body’s awareness of changing surroundings.  It is your body’s way to keep you safe and comfortable.  Now you must choose, do you want to stay comfortable and settle for where you are?  Or do you want to face the fear, in all of its promise of embarrassment, failure, and waste of time, but with the power to  elevate you to another level of income, strength, happiness, freedom?

The problem with us is that our greatest strength as human beings is also our greatest weakness.  That seems to be a rule that I cannot find a contradictory argument for.  It seems that this rule is the real eternal law of nature.  With every strength therein lies a weakness and vice versa.

Our mental fortitude and reasoning ability is what makes us superior among animals.  However, it is this very reasoning ability, the ability to feel emotions, to reason, use logics,  is what is our weakness.   For example, you decide that you are going to work on getting that perfect body, or maybe a little more realistic goal like losing ten pounds.   Your first step in this exciting plan that you are once again attempting for the 100th time, is to wake up and run/walk for 1 mile.   The morning comes and the alarm goes off, you wake up and just after you stop the alarm, you hesitate.  WTH!  It is too early, you did not sleep enough, what is so important about losing ten pounds THIS morning.  You did not sleep well, sleep is important…and soon, in those five seconds or less, you have rationalized your way out of getting up.  This is our mental strength as humans, now working as a debilitating force against progress.

Take the case of a hawk with chicks(actually the proper term is , “eyas”, eyas are young hawks or falcons) to feed.  It needs to find food for the hungry mouths, er..beaks,  so it is looking for a prey.  It spots a movement that looks like a snake.  It doesn’t think, that snake might be too dangerous, I might not be able to grip it properly, is it poisonous, maybe I will find a rat instead, it instantly focuses on the snake and instinct takes over, culminating in a perfect screaming descent and grabbing of the snake in its claws with its beak puncturing the head at the same time.  In the next two seconds, it takes off with the snake clutched in its claws, weakly wriggling.   From the time it saw the snake to when it is flying off with the snake, about 10 seconds had passed.   Btw, I actually witnessed this on a field trip in the Everglades one morning.  Here is the hawk flying off with the snake, that weighs more than its own weight.

It is that momentary hesitation before you actually commit to doing the task that gets you.  That is the moment when you must abandon thinking or reasoning and plunge forward.   Fear creates that hesitation.  Sometimes it is with good reason.  Most of the time, in sticking with our goals, grinding through tasks, it is debilitating.

To go to a higher level, you must jump.  It will be fine.  Prepare and execute.   Don’t wait to be perfect, unless it is something like rock climbing where lack of preparation could mean your death.  However, don’t wait until you had enough sleep to get going on your exercise plan, don’t wait until you have the best photo in the world before you take part in a photography contest, don’t wait until you have time to start learning a new skill or gain knowledge to increase your earning ability.   Act now.  Success does not require perfection.  It certainly requires a first step, even if you fail.  As a matter of fact, the fear of failure is what keeps many from really living.  Denzel Washington, in his commencement address, said to the students,  “FAIL, but don’t just fail, FAIL BIG” (no he did not say “Fail Bigly”)  In other words, do not be afraid to take risks.

Fear is not the key.   YOU ARE the key to unlock the potential that the fear is keeping locked up.

Remember:  You are not alone anymore.